PS 63^ 

POISON. 

A - FARCK - IN - ONE - SCENE 
FOR FOUR FEMALES. 

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Adapted by MARGUERITE MORTON. 



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price:, 15 CENTS. 



EDGAR S. WERNER 

108 East 16th Street, New York 

1895 

Copyright, 1894, by Edgar S. Werner 






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POISON. 



A FARCE IN ONE SCENE. 



Adapted by Miss Marguerite Mortok. 



CHARACTERS. 

Hattie, an invalid. Anna, a friend of Hattie and Kate. 

Kate, her sister. Jane, a housemaid. 

Scene. A prettily furnished sitting-room. Kate and Jane discovered 
arranging shawls and pillows in a large easy-chair. 

Kate. A little more to this side, Jane — there, that's better. 
My sister is so sensitive that it would make her nervous if the 
shawl were crooked. 

Jane. Yes, indeed. Miss Kate, she is the most nervous per- 
son I ever saw. If I speak above a whisper she says, " Oh, my 
nerves! " If the door-bell rings she says, " Oh, my nerves! " It 
must be hard to be so very sensitive. 

Kate. Now the pillow for her back — not that one, the little 
one. 

[^?^^er Akka, af first lonperceived hy the others^ whose ^proceed- 
ings she watches with manifest disapproval.'] 

Kate. Now get the footstool. Where is the fan? Ah, 
good morning, Anna. 

Aki^a. Good morning. What are you doing? Humoring 
Hattie's notions as usual? Oh, Kate, you make me tired! 
[Takes off hat and lays it on table.] 

Kate. Notions? Oh, Anna! you ought to see her. 

Jane. Indeed, Miss Anna, you should just hear her. [Imi- 



(* /l~3^fZ,3 



POISON. 3 

tales.] '*0h, my poor nerves! Oh, my head! Oh, my back!" 
[Aside to Ai^N"A, laugJmig.] Oh, my goodness me! 

Anka. Well, I have plenty of sympathy for real suffering, 
but I confess I haven't much use for hypochondria. You needn't 
look so shocked, Kate. You know as well as I do that Hattie 
would be as well as either you or I if she could only be made to 
think herself so. 

Kate. Well, I have sometimes thought that if she would take 
more exercise and — and exert herself a little more, perhaps it 
might be better for her. 

Anna. Of course it would. 

Kate. But who is to suggest such a thing to her? It would 
hurt her feelings terribly if she thought we did not sympathize 
with every whim. 

Jane. Indeed, I wouldn't want to be the one to break it to 
her! 

Anna. Kate, I have a brilliant scheme ! I believe I can cure 
your sister and prove to her that half her troubles are imaginary. 

Kate [douMftcUy]. Is it mind cure? 

Anna. Not exactly. There, she is calling you. Just leave 
it to me, and don't be surprised or frightened by anything that 
happens. 

Kate [anxiously]. It isn't hypnotism? 

Anna. No, no! Nor electricity — nor anything at all danger- 
ous. Don't you worry. [Exit Kate.] Now, Jane, can you 
get me two little bottles and some water and vinegar and sugar? 

Jane. Yes, Miss Anna, but what in the world — 

Anna. I am going to concoct a deadly poison, Jane, vinegar 
and water, and a speedy antidote, Jane, sugar and water. The 
first I shall administer to Hattie by mistake, mind you, and I'll 
wager anything that she will imagine she suffers all the symptoms 
of real poisoning. I will leave the antidote on the table in the 
hall, and you must be be ready to run and get it when I give the 
word. When that is administered, Hattie will be sure to recover 
immediately, and we can then tell her of the joke that has been 
played upon her. I think she can safely be trusted to draw a 
moral for herself. 



4 POISON. 

Jake. And you won't give her anything but the water and 
the vinegar? [Laughing.] 

Akna. Not a thing! 

Jane [with groiuing delight]. And you'll make her think 
she's poisoned? 

Aki^a. Just that, Jane. I'll have her walking up and down 
this room as fast as you can, in a few moments. 

Jan"E. Really, Miss Anna? Oh, it will be a fine sight! 
[Laughi?ig heartily.] 

An"KA. I hear them coming. She must not know I have 
been here. Where are the vials? [Picking up hat.] 

Jai^e. You'll find some old homeopathic bottles on the pantry 
shelf. 

An-ita. Just the thing ! [Exit Ki^^K.] 

[Enter Hattie and Kate, Hattie leaning on her sister'' s arm 
and walhing very feeUy. Jake instantly assumes a serious ex- 
pression and assists in placing Hattie in the chair ^ adjusting 
pillows., fanning her^ etc.] 

Kate. There, Hattie, do you feel any better? Is the room 
warm enough? Jane, draw the curtain closer, please. 

Hattie [faintly]. Oh, it is suffocating, already! Jane, can't 
you step more lightly? You know how the least noise distresses 
me. [Jake tiptoes around. Door-lell rings. Exit Jake.] Oh, 
my poor nerves ! 

[Enter A.-^^k followed hy Jake.] 

Kate [shaking hands]. Good morning, Anna. 

Akka. Good morning. [Kisses her.] It is an age since I 
saw you last ! [Jake laughs behind Hattie's chair. Akka lays 
small satchel on taUe and advances to Hattie.] Good morning, 
Hattie. Why, how ill you look ! It distresses me to see you so 
poorly. Aren't you any better ! 

Hattie. But little. I am very feeble this morning. Kate 
had to almost carry me in here. 

Kate. Yes, she seemed scarcely able to stand alone. 
Jake. Indeed, I was afraid she'd faint before she got to the 
chair. 

Akka. Ho you know you look just like a friend of mine who 
has been dreadfully ill — given up by five doctors. 



POISON. 5 

Hattie. / have had seven; but I am convinced that no 
physician can understand my case. It is peculiar. 

jAiq"E. That's so. 

Anna. Have you any appetite? 

Hattie. Not a particle. I can scarcely force myself to par- 
take of even the smallest morsel of food. 

Anna. Hm ! Just like my friend ! And are you sleepy all 
the time? That was one of her worst symptoms. 

Hattie [with animation]. Very drowsy. I sometimes go to 
sleep sitting right in this chair. 

Anna. Hm! And do noises trouble you? 

Hattie. Perfect agony. 

Kate. She notices every footfall. 

Jane. And we never think of ringing the dinner-bell. I 
have to go all over the house in felt shoes and call the family to 
meals. 

Anna. Hm ! It's a parallel case, I fear. Anc^ do you some- 
times feel — oh — cold and creepy? 

Hattie. I am shivering now. [Kate draws the shaivl 
around her shoulders. Jane draws the curtains closer.] 

Anna. Well, my friend was in just such a state as you 
describe, and no one thought she would ever be any better ; but 
finally some doctor discovered a remedy that cured her in two 
weeks. 

Hattie. What was it? I have tried so many things in 
vain. 

Kate. Do you suppose we could obtain the prescription ? 

Anna. Oh, it's very simple. Come to think, I believe I 
have a little bottle of it in my satchel. My friend was so im- 
pressed with its efficacy that she gave me some to use in case 
of need. [Crosses to table while speahing and opens satchel.] 
Yes, here it is. How lucky ! Would you like to try it, 
Hattie ? 

Hattie. Oh, yes, I will try anything ; though I fear I am 
past help. 

Kate. This may be just what you need, Hattie. 



6 POISON. 

Jan^e. It can't do any harm to try. 

Anj^ A. Hand me a teaspoon, Jane. [Anna stands at right 
of Hattib, Kate at Hattie's left. Jane draivs chair behind 
Hattie, and standing on it looks over the hack of Hattie's 
chair ^ with an expression of intense curiosity and amusement as 
the actio7i proceeds. Anna has some difficulty in getting the cork 
out of the hottle^ hut finally digs it out luith a hairpin^ talking 

all the time.] It isn't so very bad to take Well, I wonder 

who put this cork in, anyway. Think they'd better take it ont 
themselves. Oh, there it comes ! [Holds cork between teeth as 
she carefully drops medicine into spoon.] Now take it down 
quickly, Hattie. [Gives her the medicine and re-corks the vial.] 
There ! you'll soon feel better. It was surprising how fast my 
friend improved. 

[Hattie leaiis back and closes her eyes. Anna strokes her 
forehead, Kate fa7is her. Jane, arms akimbo, peers over the 
back of Hattie's chair into her face.] 

Hattie [omning eyes]. I am better already. What won- 
derful medicine ! [Jane gives silent expression to extreme 
amusement. ] 

Kate. Did you ever take anything like it before ? 

Hattie. No, never. It had a most peculiar taste. 

Kate. It is some very rare drug, probably. 

Hattie. What is it called, Anna ? 

Anna [looking at label of bottle]. It is Oh, Kate! Hattie! 

What have I done ! What have I done ! 

All. What is it? What is it ? [Hattie starts foriuard.] 

Anna. Oh, I got the wrong bottle ! I have given her a 
deadly poison ! What shall I do ? [Jane jumps down from 
chair. Kate screams.] 

Hattie. Poison ! [Falls back in chair.] 

Kate. Rub her hands ! her feet ! [Rubs vigorously.] 

Hattie. It is no use. [In a sepulchral tone.] Already I 
feel a strange sensation. 

Anna [reading rapidly from label]. ** If the contents of 
this bottle are accidentally taken internally, administer aqua 
saccharinus immediately." Quick, Jane ! Eun to the drug- 



POISON. 7 

store on the corner and get some aqua saccharinus — fly ! [Jane 
rushes out^ hut immediately returns to the door, where, unseen 
hy Hattie, she remains watching proceedings with silent mirth 
until summoned hy Anna.] 

Anna [reading']. *' And keep the patient exercising vigor- 
ously until the effect wears off." Kub harder, Kate. Hattie, 
can't you move your arms ? Do try ! 

Hattie [waving arms energetically]. This way ? 

Anna. Yes, that's good. 

Kate. Now keep your head going so the poison can't settle 
on your brain. 

[Hattie moves head vigorously, keepi^ig up the movement of 
arms. Anna and Kate ruh and thump her. Anna gives sig- 
nal to Jane, who rushes in, panting as if out of hreath from 
running.] •- 

Anna. Quick, Jane, another spoon. Oh, you are almost 
saved, Hattie! [Administers antidote.] See if you can stand 
alone. [They assist her to risQ.] 

Kate. Now walk up and down. [Hattie oheys, followed hy 
Anna and Kate, who express great amusement hy gestures he- 
hind Hattie's haclc, Jane dances ahout with delight. ] 

Anna. Swing your arms — faster yet! Clap your hands! 
Oh, you are coming out of it all right! [Jane runs out and 
returns with the dinner-hell, which she rings loudly.] 

Hattie. Yes, yes, my head is clearer. I feel better and 
stronger than I have for weeks. 

Jane. Does this disturb you ? 

Hattie. I had not even noticed it. 

Anna. Good! Keep moving! [Throws her arms around 
Hattie, sings the McGinty Schottische and mahes her dance 
until hoth are out of hreath.] Now, how do you feel ? 

Hattie. I am all in a glow ! And just feel my pulse ! But, 
oh, Anna ! what a narrow escape ! 

Anna. Narrow escape? Not a bit of it! What do you 
think that poison was ? 

Hattie. I suspect it was strychnine from the way it affected 
me. I felt 



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POISON. 



OF CONGRESS 

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An'NA. It was nothing on earth but vinegar and water, and 
it didn't affect you at all — so, there ! 

Hattie. Anna, what do you mean ? 

Akn'A. Just that ! And the antidote was sugar and water. 
Ask Kate and Jane. They are in the secret. 

Hattie. Then I only imagined those horrible sensations. 

Anna. Exactly so. 

Kate. It was just a little stratagem, Hattie, to prove to 
you 

Hattie. I understand it all. Can it be that I have been all 
along the victim of exaggerated fancies? But this is real. 
[Walks up and doton.] I can stand alone; I can walk. [Stops 
in centre, fro?it of steps. ] I am hungry I 

Jane, gurrah for Dr. Anna ! [Flourishes dinner-lell !^ 
Jane, Anna, Hattie, Kate. 
CURTAm. 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




